Wild Things RUN Free.
It’s a metaphor for how I live my life. I have always been a runner. Now, I know what you’re thinking… I am not referring to the sport. I didn’t start running until about two years ago. Believe it or not, this blog wasn’t created as a space to talk about running… It just sort of turned into that the more and more I fell in love with the sport.
I ran from everything my whole life. Love. Friendship. Cities. Routine. I’ve always been looking into the future, ready to jump at any moment, on the drop of a dime. Constantly trying to move forward and never allowing myself to get stuck, or what ordinary people call ‘comfortable’. When things got serious in a relationship, I would flee. Quite literally. Ask my ex-boyfriend, Dan. I literally jumped states when things felt too real. (That’s a story for another time, folks) I can count multiple occasions where I have packed up all of my belongings and moved someplace totally new in under 24 hours.
Running is what I always did. I sprinted through adolescence, all geared up to become an adult. I ran from city to city across the country. I hurtled every obstacle in my way and kept a fast pace moving forward, never allowing myself a chance to slow down and catch my breath. I even raced through my relationship with Z to try to make it to the finish line that much sooner. Why? Why can’t I sit still and allow things to come naturally?
I don’t know the answer to that, and perhaps before I can truly find my voice I need to figure that out. But, I do know that only one thing has been able to tame these feelings of fleeing across the globe, and running toward the unknown. That thing is the sport of running.
Since becoming a runner, I have grown so much as a human being. My friends and family hardly recognize me, and instead of taking offense to this… It’s a compliment. I am a truly better person. I used to spend weekends partying until the sun came up, smoking my weight in marijuana, and drinking so much that even the smell of tequila still makes me queasy. Now, I spend my weekends running long, designing training schedules with google docs, trying to PR, and even continuing my education…. Wanna know a secret?? I don’t miss that past life of mine. Not even for a second.
This is why I run.
Yes, I run because I can. I run because it makes me look good naked. I run because it keeps me thin. I run because there may come a day where I can’t. I run because everybody said I couldn’t.
But really and truly, I run because it makes me feel alive. In a way that only drastic, dramatic, life-altering changes ever has. Alive in the way that deciding, packing, and moving from Orlando, FL to Dallas, TX OVER NIGHT did. Alive in the way that taking off at 4am with one of my best friends, Lindsay, to NYC one weekend my junior year in high school did. (sorry again, mom!!) There is a thrill involved with pushing through a “I swear someone is stabbing me in my rib cage with a dull rusty spoon” side stitch. There is a thrill involved with crossing a finish line, regardless of your time. There is a thrill involved with pushing your body beyond the limits you created for yourself. Yet, I also feel washed over with a sense of calm after I run. My mind feels at peace, because I fight my biggest demons while I run. If experience is the best teacher, then we learn most when we are vulnerable and exposed. The light always looks more attractive from the shadows. I’m telling you, I will be a best selling novelist as soon as the invention to type as you think is on the market… Or will have come up with a way to save the world. Just wait. 
When I lace up my Brooks and hit the street, I find myself running directly into another world. A world where “I don’t know” isn’t an option. A world where I grow courage, and strength, and ferocity I didn’t know I had. Running has made me value my life, my friendships, and most importantly, has taught me how to face a challenge head on.
Discovering what is and planning what you want next; whether out of life as a whole, or just what you’re going to pick up at the grocery store — are vital. One can not survive on planning ahead, alone. For me, these are embodied in the mindsets cultivated through yoga and running, the difference between meditating and thinking. I like the way they go together; like shoes. One for the right foot, one for the left. Together, a pair.
Why do you run?
Not a runner? Why are you so passionate about the things in your life? Really think about it.
